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got parrot by lobeZna

partially modern millie

Posted on 12.12.2009 at 11:55
Lost in Space-Time...or: the parlour
What I'm Hearing: H's work playlist
I'm using my phone for an update for the first time, and I'm hoping I can access my old posts because I need to find a sample of a villanelle. I want to write a new poem for an open mic night, been throwing around some ideas, but now need to put some structure to it, and I love the spiral progression of the villanelle. The Dylan Thomas poem would be the obvious template, but I like mine, and I'd rather stay away from the undue outside influence. I just hope it's still here.

boondock shepards by magicnosegoblin
Posted on 16.06.2009 at 15:11
What I'm Feeling: uncomfortableuncomfortable
What I'm Hearing: none
This is the first time I've been on livejournal in, like, forever. I've missed it. I've missed the unlimited format, the what-I'm-listening-to feature, the userpic choices (although I'm bummed I lost all the ones that went with my paid account), the more personal nature - here I journal for myself, as opposed to the advertisement/marketing hype-feel of Twitter and facebook. I look forward to writing more, but right now I'm at work.

GF Freak by desertmommy

Favorite Christmas Movie Ever.

Posted on 16.12.2008 at 05:37
What I'm Feeling: hopefulholidayish

got parrot by lobeZna
Posted on 02.12.2008 at 15:53
Lost in Space-Time...or: Ladybug
What I'm Hearing: something Girl From Ipanema-sounding
Tags: ,
I've been wasting time and energy on facebook a lot lately. Stupid, because I have a lot of feelings, experiences, attitude shifts I would like to memorialize so I can continue to process later, but facebook doesn't allow more than a sound bite status update. And at the moment I am too computered out.

Reminder to self:
1. past as past vs. past as present. Why can't I let go of anything or anyone?? Why do I always need to hedge my bets on the people in my life?
2. consumerism and security. Am I really dependent on my stuff? When I run out of my nice make-up, lotions and perfume, am I going to be like the princess in Shrek turning into a horrifying beast? Do I really get more compliments on my nice clothes? (The dollar sale at Jet Rag did in fact yield a number of quality items....) Do I have to have nice things to look good? Does it really matter if I don't get the data extracted off the now-dead hard drive? Or am I just scared of not being able to buy stuff?
3. What the fuck is wrong with me that I can't look for a job?!?!?!?!?!?!?

deny reality
Posted on 13.11.2008 at 14:56
What I'm Feeling: scaredscared
I'm scared, depressed, and frustrated. And I'm in escape mode, about to go into severe escape mode. So not good.

boondock shepards by magicnosegoblin

Thank You to the People of America

Posted on 05.11.2008 at 14:16
What I'm Feeling: lazylazy
What I'm Hearing: opb in the background
This election restored my faith in the system. That any guy with the most money can win. You don't have to know someone also. Seems kinda crappy that the Bushes wouldn't steal the election for McCain also, but hey, don't look a gift horse in the mouth, hunh?

I am so excited to have a young, forward-thinking, innovative President, someone we can be proud to send around the world on our behalf. I don't know what the Change he's been touting will look like, but I can't wait to see what he's going to do. Walking out of an amazing play about Buckminster Fuller last night, we emerged into a small celebration in the streets. People blaring horns, yelling, cheering, firecrackers exploding; my girlfriend felt like New Year's Eve. I felt like New World Order Eve.

Obama's stated positions are more left than I care for, but I figure he'll govern from the center, as the pundits keep saying. The alternative was completely unacceptable. Although I don't think it'll come down to it, I'd rather have socialized day care centers where they give out free health care than a Republican picking Stevens's replacement. God bless him, and I hope he lives as long as he wants, but the man is 88, and he was starting to worry me. And the economic crisis is just icing on the Bush Shit Cake. (In terms of that, if I didn't despise Bush for every other reason there is, I might feel sorry for him. He inherited an economy already struggling to maintain its appearance of buoyancy, and it didn't completely collapse for eight years. He didn't create the problem. But he wasn't required to make things worse, which he did at every available decision-making opportunity.)

Please, Barack. Show us the way out. Don't let us down.

perplexed by missnewyork


Posted on 11.10.2008 at 11:53
Lost in Space-Time...or: home
What I'm Feeling: guiltyguilty
What I'm Hearing: dj someone
I can't remember the last time I went through my friends page without all the damnportlander stuff clogging the pipeline. I have no idea what's going on with anyone. I saw a "bye-bye" entry from trish, and frantically checked, only to find out she's going camping (relieved chuckle and a silent hope you're having fun and not freezing your ass off), but then the next entry suggests she's out of a job. Someone has a new baby. Someone else is turning 21. Lots is happening while I'm caught up in my own drama. Most of it is fun distraction from the real problems in my life (LACK OF JOB!!), but still. I hate being that person who ignores her friends when things are good. So I'm going to make more of an effort. Really.

But I want to go get a pumpkin today. Or maybe not, since I'm already dressed and I've got fishnets on. (Nb: Fishnets are not tights. They do not count as cold-weather leg-warmers. Moreover, thinking about looking for a sweater to put over a tankdress does nothing for one's body temperature. A couple of the many adjustments I need to make to the new climate. Tough to admit that I'm more of an LA kid than I realized.) We'll see. I guess I wouldn't be the most inappropriately-dressed doofus in the patch. Or maybe I could put up the Halloween decorations I already have before going to buy something new. Wow, there's a concept.

So, yeah, luv ya, mean it, gotta run....................

perplexed by missnewyork
Posted on 19.09.2008 at 14:43
What I'm Feeling: contemplativereflective
What I'm Hearing: Explosions in the Sky
Tags: ,
David Foster Wallace killed himself. WTF?!?!?!?!?

A Time article stated that any writer would kill for his talent. Hunh. Apparently one did.

What a loss!!! I want to drop everything I'm reading and go back to Infinite Jest or The Broom of the System, which I didn't finish because I was so irritated by (read, jealous of) his writing style. It was so easy, so hip. At the time, I wanted to brand it slick and self-consciously hip. But it was 20 years ago, and the guy was 24. He was still finding his voice.

Tragic artists frighten me deeply. I automatically want to explore, understand their pain. Whether and how it intersects with their genius. Whether it could have been separated and excised. Whether the tragedy was inevitable. The articles say that he had been clinically depressed for twenty years and had tried to go off his medication last year with horrible results when the depression returned. He was one of the first and biggest Rock Stars of the young literary world (ok, Jay McInery and Bret Easton Ellis may have invented the character type, but Wallace gave it substance), but the disease was bigger. It seems like he had parents and a wife who love him, a stellar career based on undeniable talent, he must have had plenty of money - from the outside it looks like he had it all. But depression can't necessarily be fought with a good life. Anyone who has experienced it knows that depression can reduce the most beautiful life ever to a heap of crushing millstones and useless trivia. Dealing with that while still juggling the pressures of a successful life would be staggeringly overwhelming. Whether or not this particular outcome was inevitable, it seems like his pain was. And that's what he couldn't take anymore.

And, of course, underlying the voyeuristic interest is the desire to learn something about my own condition. Is my pain a sign of, or linked to, some sort of talent that may surface? As I get stronger and feel happier, am I moving away from creativity? It doesn't feel like it to me. I've heard that many tortured artists create in spite of, not because of, their pain.

At the moment, I am supposed to be getting ready for my trip to LA, so I need to leave the morbid reflection.

kermit ecstatic
Posted on 16.09.2008 at 18:08
What I'm Feeling: highhigh
What I'm Hearing: Eardrum
Did I mention that I passed the Oregon bar?!?!?!?! Maybe I was too busy out celebrating all weekend.

And no time to ponder it much right now, I'm going to be late for my dance lesson. I spent too much time hanging out in the New Orleans Candle Shop with the most amazing proprietors on the way back from the DMV. Where, shall I say it, I passed my driver's test on the first try! I was a bit worried, actually, when two people in front of me failed.

But my mom and my brother both, independently, had similar reactions when I told them I was worried about the Oregon bar.
Mom: "Sweetheart, you've been worried since kindergarten!"
Li'l Bro: "Of course you were, that's what you do. But no one else was."

As I laugh about being worried about failing a driver's test (after all, who - other than 16-yr-olds and the two morons in front of me - doesn't pass an American driver's test??), I realize maybe they're right.

happiness thoughts by successicons

Despite what 'they' think...

Posted on 30.08.2008 at 21:00
Lost in Space-Time...or: home alone and comfortable
What I'm Feeling: peacefulpeaceful
What I'm Hearing: Bent - one of my new albums
Ten Nifty Things I've Done/Learned in Portland

1. Madrone trees. Coolest. Tree. Ever. (At least in Portland)
2. I have 660 new songs to listen to. (well, not all new to me, but not too many are duplicates, and some of those I'm happy to get) And making the cd for someone else has inspired me to go through my music and drag stuff out of the back of the virtual closet. Today has been, "wow, I haven't listened to this in ages....oh, wait, no This is better, why don't I listen to this more often..." over and over and over. The music came to me because I reached out to someone, tried to be of service, and it turns out we have similar taste.
3. Mississippi Pizza. The only thing better is if I could claim that I've been to the spelling bee they have on Tuesday nights.
4. I saw the Preservation Hall Jazz Band play. Loved them. Danced in the rain.
5. LA Kid and I visited Dignity Village, a permanent but potentially mobile encampment for the otherwise homeless. Fascinating insight into how other people live.
6. Fire-spinning. Way more than I did in LA. (Got to get working on some new moves, though. Every time I bust the poi out, the lameness of my lack of exciting new material bugs me.) Loaned my fave glow poi to a woman who really wants to learn and seems to be a natural. I LOVE the excitement of passing the skill to someone who just lights up (figuratively) when she gets it.
7. A guy who likes Tom Waits, Thomas Mann, and tango wants to go out with me. We went to the coast and stood at the ocean together. I am definitely not bored by people who are not broken.
8. Poetry reading at Powell's.
9. Two months in a row I've had a public transport pass and used it regularly.
10. I finally signed up for the Art & Soul Retreat. Won't happen till October, but I'm stoked that it's on the agenda.

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